It has been far too long since I have written but over time I have made the decision to give up kayaking. It was the hardest decision I have ever made and took a long time to realise that I couldn’t go on any more. I had a lot of doubt in my mind for a long time and this started to make training a constant battle. When I was training 3-4 times everyday it just made me very unhappy. I can’t stand the thought of giving up, but I was burnt out and felt mentally drained all the time. Maybe if there had been a sharper progression curve I could have thrived off this but I think it is one of the hardest skills to master in the world as an adult and I would like to see Rebecca Romero take on the Sprint Kayak challenge.
My sister Antonia on the other hand is still extremely motivated and to be honest was always slightly better than me at the sport. I found this very hard to deal with as well, because she’s my younger sister. I have always felt I should be better than her and although I did come to terms with it, when you are training in a pair most of the time you are either first or last.
Antonia has now moved to Surrey and is living in Kingston-on-Thames and training with Roland Lawler at Elmbridge Canoe Club. Roland is a leading GB coach who guided his son Ivan to 5 successive world championships. Our original plan was for me to move there too, however after completing a couple of grueling training sessions I knew that I couldn’t do it anymore!
I do feel sorry for letting people down who believed in me but I am very lucky to have had the opportunity to give everything and see how far I could take it. I couldn’t have done that with out the support of my family and friends. I don’t regret spending 18 months training full time, it was a brilliant experience and I have far more respect for every athlete who invests the time it take takes to train at that standard.
I will always do sport because it’s in my blood and would go crazy with out it. At the moment I am running a lot with Wells Harriers. I aim to do a triathlon at some point this year or any sporting challenges that come my way.
I have recently made another decision of moving to Australia. It is something I have always wanted to do and now I really want to do something for myself. I am lucky that I love my career in Graphic Design and want to pursue this in Sydney. Half my family live there so feels like a natural move to make. Also I haven’t forgotten about the Iron Man competition I saw on Coogie Beach – an exciting goal that isn’t 4 years away!
I have a lot of respect for Antonia, training is her life and she loves leading it this way. Antonia never questions the amount of training even when she is really exhausted, she just gets on with it. She is doing really well at Elmbridge and is around the right people to enable her to see how far she can take it. Antonia is going to write the next installment on her progression.
Thank you to everyone who helped me pursue an amazing dream especially those who helped coach me. Andy Maycock, Matt Brown, Ivan Lawler and to the BCU who lead me on this adventure and introduced me to a very good friend Naomi who has been a kind of mentor through out.
